Plans

I'm gonna tell y'all right up front... this post has little (if anything) to do with me going to Mexico...just a few thoughts that have been swimmin' around my head that I wanna remember. :)


My friend Jontae and I were talking tonight, and it got me thinking a lot about plans. When I was younger (....so much younger than todaaaay- sorry, I had to! lol) I had a lot of plans. According to my plans, I was to finish high school, go to college where I would meet the man of my dreams, get my degree, become a teacher, get married, and have some babies. (The number went back and forth as to how many children I would have- it all depended on whether or not I had a good day working at the daycare. Good day=5 or more kids, bad day=1.) My plan was to be married by 21, first kid at 23. All of my ducks were in a row. :)

Obviously, that did not happen. I remember when I decided to stop taking college classes. I was terrified! My little plan was slowly unraveling... and I didn't have my little ducks in a row anymore! Then my 21st birthday came, with no fella to celebrate with. Scary! Then came my 23. No degree, no dude, AND no babies! (not sayin' I wanted the kids minus the fella, don't get me wrong here!) I remember thinking, "This isn't how it was supposed to work out! This is NOT the plan!"


Then I look at where I am now. No kids, no fella, still no degree. It's so easy to look at life when plans don't go the way you intended and think, "This is AWFUL! My plan was SO much better!" That's what I was thinking about tonight. I could easily look at my life and cry, "God, this stinks!" Then I take a look at GOD'S plan. Would I have the relationship I have with my parents if I moved out (and actually stayed out ;)) when I was 18? No way! Would I be as close to my friends if I had moved away (and stayed away)? Nope. Would I be 10 days away from going on a trip that will rock my world? Probably not. 


The more I think about my plans, the more I realize that God's really got this whole life of mine under control. :) It may seem scary, crazy, and not "normal" from my point of view, but the closer I get with God, the more I realize His plan is SO much better than mine! 


I sometimes try to force my plan on God. I forced a relationship to go on YEARS after it's sell-by date simply because it was around the age I was looking to get married. I spent a LOT of money on classes towards a degree when I knew God was trying to scoot me in another direction. When His plan looked too scary, or too "weird" I went along kicking and screaming with mine, regardless of how unhappy I was, just because it was "the plan." 


I'm not saying that planning is bad. That you shouldn't be responsible, or that you should be reckless. I'm just saying that planning is great, as long as you keep your plans open to move you wherever you feel God lead. 


Here's what I look like on paper:
25y single female, living with her parents. No college degree, no significant job experience, no trade skills. Barely making it paycheck to paycheck, with no higher paying job prospect in sight. No potential husband, no boyfriend, hasn't even dated in roughly 5 years. 


Not so hot, huh? You know what though? I would put my life up against any big-wig millionaire, with their 2.5 children and white picket fence. I may not have your job, money, or fancy resume, but I've got more love than I deserve, family who supports me no matter how insane my decisions seem, friends that I wouldn't trade the world for, and I job I look forward to going to with co-workers I actually enjoy spending time with.


I may not look great on paper, but I wouldn't trade God's plan for mine even if I had the choice. :)

Blessings!

You guys may think I'm bein' a little too Jesus-freaky here, but I swear God and I had a chat in Kmart! No, He didn't speak to me in a burning bush in the outdoor section, but I swear I yammered on, and He listened!

I'm a firm believer that God does care about your life. Even the little details- like searching all over God's green earth for a flippin' pair of capris! And because of that, I pray. Sometimes it's just idle chatter, ("God, I could really use green lights all the way to work- I'm cuttin' it close here!") sometimes it's serious stuff, sometimes it's just cause I need to talk and He's the only one there to hear me rant!

I often take it for granted that God listens to me. I talk without expecting Him to listen, ask without expecting Him to answer... I basically just talk. Sometimes because it makes me seem less crazy than if I were talking to myself! :)

Anyway, back to my God moment in Kmart! So I've been on the capri hunt for a bit now, trying to find a few decent pairs (or even one pair!) for an equally decent price. I'm sorry, but I'm just not spending $20 on a pair of pants I'm probably going to ruin working in Mexico!

So I pull into Kmart's parking lot, as a desperate last resort after trying Walmart, Target, thrift stores, blah blah blah, to no avail. As I put the car in park, I simply let out a little exasperated prayer; "Help me out God- it's crunch time and I'm BROKE! They kinda frown on us walking around without pants on in Mexico, and I can't think of any other options."

I went in, fully expecting to yet again not find a single pair of capris, but instead I hit the MOTHER LOAD!! I'm not even exaggerating, I walked into that fitting room with about 15 pairs of capris and 10 shirts!  I was so excited! And to make it even better, some of them actually FIT! I couldn't believe it. Here's what I ended up with:

How cool is that?! 

And that's kind of where it hit me: I pray without expecting God's going to do anything about it. I asked God to help me, and was surprised when He did! That's not cool. I know it may seem like I'm over-spiritualizing things, but it really showed me a little bit about myself.

Same thing happened with my MacBook! I had spent a WHILE working a lot of overtime and saving big time to pay for a MacBook. I finally saved the desired amount, but I really felt God nudging me to use that money to pay for my trip, instead of asking people to sponsor me like last time. I reluctantly agreed, sighed, and said goodbye to my MacBook. :( 

I remember praying, "God, this isn't something I need. But I REALLY want it. Can you make it happen?" And He did! My parents were really generous, and I had a surprise alteration to my tax return which covered almost the whole thing. 

So here I am, typing on a computer I totally don't deserve, getting ready to pack clothes I shouldn't have been able to afford, to go on a trip I am totally unworthy to go on. I'm not being down on myself here people, I'm just explaining how cool it is that God still chooses to bless me, even though I'm a mess. :) it's pretty cool, if ya ask me. 

One thing I've realized with this whole blog thing: I'm really wordy. If I'm going to write this blog, and expect people to actually READ it, I'm going to have to be a tad more concise. :) Bear with me! 

I'm hoping that once I get to Mexico, this will become more of a picture blog; a place where I post some pictures from the day, and the main part of my writing will just involve explaining what the pictures are. As of right now, I can only take so many pictures of my wardrobe, and will hopefully (SOON!) have a before/after picture of my first empty, then full suitcase!! (Nope, STILL haven't started. :P) 

Laundry time! (which hopefully= start packing time!)

12 days!

No, I have not started packing yet- don't judge me! lol


I find I work best under pressure... (That right there would be the famous excuse from many-a-procrastinator.) 


To be honest... it's still kind of surreal to me that I get to do this. :) It blows my mind when I get some huge prayers answered. Especially when the answer I get is, "Yes!" God answers me in huge ways much more often than I deserve, and yet I am always completely shocked when He blesses me big time.


I can't even begin to imagine how it's going to be there. I mean, I have an idea, from when I was there in September...but this feels SO much different! I'm so excited to see the people and kids from last time, and meet some new faces. I think it's good to not know what to expect. No expectations means you're not disappointed!


We got an e-mail describing a few jobs we will be asked to do, and to give them a "top three" of the jobs I would most enjoy. Here's what I picked (in the order I picked them:


1. Photographer- How cool would that be?! I'm trying not to get my hopes up; I bet a lot of people requested that job!
2. Crafts- Organizing the crafts and stocking the craft boxes brought to the children's homes. Also very cool, I love crafts!
3. Food duty- I'd really like this, because you interact a lot with the groups, packing lunches and preparing meals. (At least ours did!) 


I'm trying to be open to where God has me, and not be disappointed if for some reason I don't get any of those jobs. I mean, hey! I'll be in MEXICO!! :)


I've been thinkin' a lot about my two girlies down there, Wendy and Lidia:

This is Wendy on the first day I met her. :) Cuteness! I was feeling totally lost, and very unhelpful, when she ran up to me and grabbed my leg. Just like that, all my worries of "Will I be good enough?" and feelings of uselessness just went out the window!! God continued to use this little one the entire time I was there in little ways that spoke to me in BIG ways!

This is her sister, Lidia. :) She's the other little girl I sponsor. She plays tough, doesn't take any grief from anyone, and is such a little protector of Wendy. While I was there, she was the ONLY one who could make Wendy smile. (That is, of course, until we brought the girls to the pool!) She's a tough cookie, and when you make her smile, it makes your whole day!


I'm really eager to see them! I've seen a few pictures since I first met them, and it's amazing how quick they grow up! Also, they had JUST arrived at the children's home a few days prior to us arriving. Wendy didn't speak at all, cried all the time, and Lidia was SO guarded! I hope this time around they're more adjusted, and that they know how much we all love them! :)


It's becoming more real, even as I'm typing this, that I will be in Mexico in 12 days... I think God helps me forget that I'm doing this to help me not completely freak out before I go!


I'd like to say, "Well, I've gotta go start packing!" but that'd be a big fat lie. :) Hopefully I'll get the majority of my packing done Sunday. That's my plan, anyway. :) I've messaged three different people repeatedly with a thousand different questions, and God love 'em they patiently answer each one! What to pack, how much money to bring, yadda yadda yadda! I kinda wish I had someone to bounce ideas off of that's also going, someone to freak out with! :) So instead, I'll just bug to doo-doo out of the other interns and the people who are already there!


I haven't gotten into full-blown freak out mode yet, so that's good. :) I'll let ya know when that happens!

Testing Testing 1 2 3... :)

So I'm giving this whole blog thing a shot. :)

I figure while I'm in Mexico, some people may want to know what I'm doing, where I am, that I'm alive, etc. ;)

So here goes:
I'm on my 5th draft of my packing list. :/ Last night, I realized my trip is two weeks away, and I haven't even BEGUN to pack!! (Begun? Began? Either way...You get the picture...) I've sorted the list by what type of item it is (ie. clothes, toiletries, electronics), what bag it goes in (suitcase, carry-on, purse), and then a joint list of what bag it goes in AND what type of item it is. :)

No doubt, I will forget something. I'm just hoping it's something less important. (I don't really know what will qualify as "less important"-snacks maybe?) Knowing my luck, it'll be something a little more than less important. And so, I make lists. And lists....and lists.... :) All in hopes that, the more lists I make, the less likely it is that I go to Mexico for a month and forget to pack underwear.

Honestly, I feel a tad unprepared for the trip in general. I didn't learn NEARLY as much Spanish as I intended before leaving, hadn't contacted the other people that are also interning, etc etc. It's all good though, because I remember feeling the same way before I went in September, and that trip was UH-MAZE-ING! :) I suppose procrastinating sometimes is beneficial- at least it is to my prayer life! I tend to pray A LOT more when last-minute frantically trying to get ready. Also, you tend to have to rely on God more when it's two days before your trip, you have no money, and still haven't found any capris to wear. (Haven't been there personally, but I'm feeling as if I might... :)) This may be me just justifying my procrastination....ok it is DEFINITELY me justifying my procrastination, but still! I do completely believe God is going to work in some huge ways during this trip. I can't wait to see what He has in store!

Thanks for taking this journey with me!