Oceans

I absolutely love music. I love the way it speaks to a part of me that nothing else can ever reach. It can stir me to action, bring me to tears, and force me to dig deep and think hard. Music moves me in a way that not much, if anything else, can.
I discovered a new song at church yesterday, and it has sat with me all day long. I have hummed it through the halls of my job, chewed on it's words and their meanings, and felt it begin to slightly nudge my heart.
The name of the song is Oceans, (the lyrics/video are on the bottom) which instantly got my attention. The beach is one of my favorite places in the world, and the ocean is one of my favorite pieces of that sacred place.
The song speaks of how God is calling us to step out from along the shoreline, walk into the water, and trust that He is strong enough to lead us through the waves.
It reminded me of a time I spent at the ocean a year or so ago. Friends and I were in the water, laughing and splashing around like kids. It was the first day of our vacation where the signs declaring it was not safe to swim had finally been taken down. I was thrilled to get a chance to jump the waves, and to feel the water lift me as I floated above the crashing tides.
Little did I know that at the time, although the signs proclaiming there was danger in the water had been removed, the current was still very strong. Soon I found myself much deeper than I intended.
Unable to reach the sand below to stand and push myself above the waves to take a breath, I quickly realized I was in too deep. I began swimming as hard as my legs and arms would take me, but despite how hard I thrashed and kicked, I was being pulled further out into the chasm.
Gasping for air, but instead inhaling what felt like gallons of water, I panicked. I was screaming, in tears, not knowing what to do to be able to take a breath. Waves came one after another, relentlessly slamming over me and stealing any chance of inhaling anything but the salty ocean sea.
In that moment, I contemplated the fact that I may actually drown. A friend, only a few yards in front of me, reached out as if she could somehow reach through the crashing waves and grab my hand. Fear and helplessness enveloped her face as she watched me get pummeled over and over. I thought about how awful it would be if she had to stand there helplessly and watch me die. In all of my exhaustion and my inability to breath, I could barely exhale the words, "God, please help me."
Out of nowhere, the panic subsided. Peace washed over me and I felt that still small voice whisper, "be still and trust in me." My muscles released their grip, and I began to float. I laid on my back, lifting me feet to the surface instead of desperately kicking for the ground. On my back, facing the sky, I was able to take a deep breath. The waves still crashed, but they were crashing beneath me now.
This may seem insanely overdramatic, but let me tell ya folks- that fear was fear like I had never felt before. The whole ordeal probably lasted five minutes or less, but it was the closest I have ever been to facing my mortality.

This song, Oceans, brought that experience to mind. Then, God did something remarkable. (He's pretty cool like that.)

He made me realize that sometimes, my relationship with God can be exactly like that experience. I go into a situation or experience head first, running as fast as I can, thrilled to experience everything. Then the waves come. I get a little father out than I intended. All of a sudden, my feet no longer can reach the sand, and I'm thrashing around trying to save myself.
In the middle of the great unknown I can feel like I'm drowning. I can feel like I'm in too deep and I have to fight for even the smallest breath. But here's the deal- all I need to do is whisper His name. To stop flailing around trying to save myself, and breath the name of the only one who has the power to calm my soul and trust that I can rest in his embrace.
It is only in the midst of the waves, with only my eyes peeking above the water that I will truly allow his grace to rescue me. In my pride I feel like I should save myself. In reality, it is when I've got nothing left that I'll finally allow him to come in and save me. And he does, every time. After I'm done with my panic-driven hissy fit, it's a beautiful ride.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the watersThe great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mysteryIn oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your nameAnd keep my eyes above the wavesWhen oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embraceFor I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest watersYour sovereign handWill be my guideWhere feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

And I will call upon Your nameAnd keep my eyes above the wavesWhen oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embraceFor I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without bordersLet me walk upon the watersWherever You would call meTake me deeper than my feet could ever wanderAnd my faith will be made strongerIn the presence of my Savior[x6]

And I will call upon Your nameAnd keep my eyes above the wavesWhen oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embraceFor I am Yours and You are mine

Pictures of people/places/things/nouns I love here :)

Just to put a few pictures on here for you! :)

 We had to eat dinner without utensils as a challenge one night during our training. :)

 All of us enjoying our no forks allowed spaghetti dinner!

 Sophie's mama painting Claire's nails! She made us the most AMAZING lunch!

 We took a walk at a local park near Sophie's house...and there were all these padlocks with couples names written on the, locked to the fence. :)

 Me getting ready to bunjee jump!! :) I might have even liked it better than sky diving!!

                                          June interns :)

These peacocks were just roamin around the place we went sky diving!

 This is what happens when it rains and we all have to eat dinner inside. :)

 Oh, you know...just getting re-barb off the roof of a building... no big deal. ;)

 This little dude worked harder than anyone that day!

 Crammed in the back of the van like a bunch of..........wait.

 The incredibly hard working women of Casa Hogar Bethany

 The ginormous tarantula I got a greeting from during a morning job my first week here.

 Coffee date with the beautiful Jen :) (Don't mind my face- I had taken a nap and just woken up. lol

 Casa Hogar Bethany- LOVE these kids!!!

 This beautiful woman is Chelsie- and you need to know her.

 Can you believe I didn't take her home?!?!

 Veronica- the director's wife and WONDERFUL woman from Casa Hogar Bethany

 My girlies from Bethany!

 Me and Morham (who's real name is Morgan)

 My FAVORITE comida (food) that Vita- one of the dinner cooks here- makes!!

 Don't you just wanna pinch his little cheeks?!?!

 Such a cool dude. :)

 Sometimes I get to be a human jungle gym.

 And sometimes I pretend to do hard work. ;)

My beautiful friend Sophia!! :)

So there you have it! A little glimpse into what I've been up to! I felt guilty for having not written all month! :)

One month

So... apparently I blinked my eyes, and a month has gone by.
It's insane how here...each day seems insanely long with many different pieces and responsibilities, but the weeks/months zoom by faster than I care to realize.
-This week the interns I've spent the past month getting to know are (mostly) all leaving, and being replaced by new interns.
-I feel like I'm finally getting to truly know some of the staff here on campus and in the places outside of campus that we serve. It's nice to walk into a home or homeless area and hear, "KELLI!!!!"
-This Back2Back staff is truly phenomenal. It's amazing how this community works and flows.
-My Spanish is (slightly) improving! Although to them I probably sound like a three year old with an incredibly small vocabulary... most of the time I can get my point across without having to pull someone else in to translate. Sometimes "the Americans" even ask ME to translate- which has been pretty exciting. (Trust me- it's nothing impressive... only simple phrases like, "How old are you?" and "Do you have any kids?")
-I feel like I have a cagillion stories to tell... and frankly it's a little overwhelming. So, for now... I just wanted to say I am alive... I am having a fantastic time, I miss you all to pieces, and I will be writing more now that I'm kinda in the swing of things.
It's incredibly overwhelming to have a blog like this, and try to explain everything that is happening... It's just too much to describe.
What I've decided to do is something the groups that come visit us each week do at the end of each day. I will attempt to do one every day, but we'll see how that goes. ;)
It's called your "Picture of the day." It's pretty self-explanitory. lol Basically, instead of trying to write out everything that happened each day, I will attempt to focus on one paticular event, child, circumstance, etc that happened and elaborate on it. Hopefully, this will be less intimidating and will encourage me to write more. :) Also, I hope to actually have a picture to go with my "Picture of the day." (How appropriate!) We'll see how well that goes. ;)
For now, I'm gonna hit the hay. I'm whooped!
Goodnight!

Mission: Honduras?

Hey guys, remember me? lol
I figure, with my trip to Mexico only 2 months away, (holy cow- THAT was fast!!) as well as some other amazing things happening, I should write a little update. :)
First off, it's becoming more real/exciting that I am getting another chance to serve with Back2Back this June and July. I can't believe God gives me the opportunity to work side by side with such wonderful people, serving in such a powerful way to such beautiful hearts. Not to mention, y'all know how much I am in love with Mexico. I am one blessed chica, that's for sure!
In other rather exciting news, I have been offered an opportunity to serve in Honduras! After God closed the door on a longer trip to Mexico, another door was seemingly opened in Honduras. Everything is still REALLY up in the air, as far as when I would go, what I would be doing, and if I am even being called to go. I just wanted to share every part of the journey on here!
So here's where y'all come in!! I am looking for friends to give God a shout out for me. I need y'all to do some praying. Here's what I have been praying for, and would love for you to join me!
-That God would give clear direction as to when I should go, if I should go, and for how long.
-That God would provide the funds necessary if He is calling me.
-That my job would allow me to visit Honduras for a month to get a better understanding of my place there. (Or that I would be bold enough to move to a country that I have never seen if that's what He's asking me to do!!)
-I would need roommates to also be willing to move at the same time (or close to it) as me, because we will be sharing a house. Please pray that these ladies God has chosen will also have clear directions, funding, and excitement to go!! :)
-Praying against fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of plans falling through, of money not coming in. I don't want to let fear control my life, because God's got this! And His plan is AWESOME. Cause He's awesome. I want to go wherever He sends me.
There are tons of other little details and miracles that need to fall in to place for me to go. God knows em- and it'd be great if I could have all the powerful prayin peeps I know talkin to Him about it. :) Thanks ahead of time!
As of right now, these are the details I know (which are subject to change lol)
-I would be living in a house in Honduras, as a mentor to young women who are there as short term missionaries.
-I would possibly be teaching ESL (English as a second language) to local women.
-I am looking to go for about 3 years, after language school.

I think that's all I know right now. :) I'm excited to see what God is up to!!! After my Mexico trip got shortened, I just had this strong feeling God was up to something. To be quite honest, I am not sure if this is what He is planning, but I know so far it has been a really great experience!
Thanks for coming along on this journey with me. :) I am constantly blessed by your prayers, encouragement, excitement, and love!!
I am much more blessed than I ever deserve!
Love to you all!