Plans

God said, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." Jeremiah 29:11 (Emphasis mine)

I believe him. :) Time and time again God has proven this to me. Plans I've made that have fallen through, only to reveal God had something a million times better than I could have ever imagined. Heading in one direction, only to realize God had brought me to that point to get me where I need to be. 

All this being said, my plans have been redirected. I will not be moving to Mexico in October. The funds just weren't there. However, there were enough funds to be summer staff with Back2Back this June and July! :) I am beyond excited to get the opportunity to work with these amazing people again, for an amazing organization, doing what I absolutely love- advocating for the orphan and widow and getting to learn more than I have ever imagined. 

I thought I would be absolutely devastated. I thought if this didn't work out, I would feel like this dream would be crushed, and I would feel like this is never going to happen. I thought I would feel like maybe I heard God wrong, or that I was pushing through with my own plan instead of listening to where God was directing me. 

This is (one of the million reasons) why God is awesome. After finding out I wouldn't be moving, never once did I feel like I've failed. Instead of being heartbroken like I thought I'd be, I'm excited! God has proven to me over and over that if He closes a door, He's got a plan. And it's going to be awesome! I am constantly reassured that God brought me right to this point in order to bring me to whatever's next! Instead of feeling defeated, thinking I was silly to think this could happen, I am confident that this is what God has called me to do- it's just not the right time yet. Instead of feeling like I "heard God wrong", through prayer and gettin' all up in God's word, I am constantly reassured that I was supposed to do this. I was made for this. And just because the door was closed right now, it doesn't mean it will be forever.

This all has been QUITE an adventure! I have met so many amazing people I wouldn't have without going through this process, and countless blessings for me and some pretty awesome people I know couldn't have played out had I not gone through this awesome experience. I know God is not done yet. :) He didn't take me to this point to say, "Ok, that was fun- I'm over it now." I have never felt more confident that this is what God wants me to do. I don't know what the rest of this story looks like. :) This story has only begun, and I can't wait to see what God's up to! 

Thank you guys so much for taking this adventure with me! I can't wait to fill you in on what's next! I couldn't have done any of this without awesome people who love, support, and encourage me! :) You are all fantastic!

How to help :)

Quite a few people have been asking how they can be a part of supporting me and Back2Back. :) All gifts are tax deductible, which is pretty awesome. :) 

1. THANK YOU! You are becoming a part of a MUCH larger story! You're awesome. :)

2. To support through a one-time gift, a check can be made out to Back2Back Ministries. Just slap a little post-it with my name on it, pop it in an envelope, and mail it to:

Karen Holliday

c/o Back2Back Ministries

PO Box 70

Mason, OH 45040

3. To support monthly, fill out  this form  and either mail it to:

Karen Holliday

c/o Back2Back Ministries

PO Box 70

Mason, OH 45040

or fax it to:  

(513) 229-9099

4. To support through an online gift:

1. Go to https://donations.back2backministries.org/
2. In the "General Mexico Needs" line, select an amount or type the amount you'd like to donate in the "Other" box, then click "Donate Now"
3. Click "Continue with Donation"
4. Fill out the credit card info
5. Select a Frequency (monthly/quarterly/yearly)
6. In the box with the label "If you would like to specify which children's homes..." type "Kelli Dunn"
7. Complete the transaction.

"Contributions are solicited with the understanding that Back2Back Ministries has complete discretion and control over the use of all donated funds."

My Story

I wanted to share a little bit of the story that got me to this point. After talking with a bunch of people, I've realized they only know the little piece of the story that they've been a part of! :) I wish I could tell every detail of the journey thus far, because God has done so many amazing things...but I'll try not to make it a book. :)

I took a short term mission trip when I was about 16 with one of my best friends. We went to Apizaco, Mexico for about a week to do a VBS for the local children. It was an amazing experience, and I fell in love with the culture, language, food, and most of all the kids. I could tell a thousand stories from my time there, but the one that stuck with me most was the day I came across a little girl sitting away from the others, crying. I knew very little Spanish, so I brought a translator over to help. He explained to me that the child hadn't had anything to eat in days, and was starving. He went in to get her something, and I sat with her and comforted her as she cried. From hunger. I overuse the  phrase, "I'm STARVING!" I cannot even fathom being so overwhelmed with hunger that I am brought to tears. It still sticks with me. God planted the seed that day in my heart for the orphan and the children He loves so dearly.

I wanted to go back desperately. I had prayed and prayed about becoming a missionary. I attempted to find my own way, looking into organizations, meeting up with people who have already answered their calling. I did whatever I could to go back. My heart was in Mexico, and I knew God had put this desire in my heart for these kids. I was doing anything I could to get there, but each door was being closed, and each plan had fallen through.

After roughly ten years of praying for God to open doors, I started to doubt. (Can I just repeat that? Ten. Years.) Maybe I heard God wrong? Maybe I was just supposed to go once. Maybe I misunderstood what God was doing with all of this. I was discouraged, and I didn't know what else to do. 

I distinctly remember the night I laid down and prayed one of the hardest prayers I have ever had to utter. "God, I trust you. I know you want what's best for me. I want to be wherever you want me, doing whatever you want me to do. I will scrub toilets in the dirtiest bathrooms if it will bring you glory. Please, just show me what to do. I'll stop trying to force my own agenda. I won't move until you move me."

Guys, this is where it gets extra awesome. After praying that prayer, letting go of control and trusting God's got this, God showed up. Big time. At church that Sunday, a guy (who I did not know at the time) got up on stage and spoke. He talked about this organization that he had been working with called Back2Back Ministries, and how they do orphan care in Mexico! He was wondering if anyone in our church would like to go as a group! I was so excited I could barely sit still!

I went with a small group last September. I saw things that blew me away. I would love to tell the 1,000 stories that touched my heart during my week there. I saw poverty in ways that were hard to process. I saw families struggling in ways I couldn't conceive. But mostly, I saw an organization coming along side the orphan, widow, and homeless. I saw lives being rebuilt with a hope that only comes from a savior. I saw children feeling accepted and loved and brokenness being made whole by an organization that strives to be an advocate for those who can not stand up for themselves. I felt encouraged, excited, heartbroken... I felt like this is exactly where I belonged. I felt purpose.

I applied soon after to become an intern with Back2Back, and was SO excited to get accepted to work for an entire month with them! In June I worked harder than I ever had before. Physically, mentally, spiritually... I was just so excited to get to be a part of such a bigger story! I got to work along side of people who, whether it was their first month or fifth year with Back2Back, were so passionate about what they do! I got to know some of the children Back2Back serves better, including two of the little girls I sponsored. It was such a gift working with the interns and staff. The whole time I was there, I just had this feeling. "This is it- THIS is what I was made for!"

While there, I spoke with some of the staff about what I was feeling. I told them I wasn't sure my parents would be ok with anything in Mexico longer than a month, I didn't have a vehicle to get me all the way to Mexico... I was scared! Even still, I couldn't shake this feeling. I belonged there. And God made it happen! He gave me the support of my parents, GAVE me a truck, blew every obstacle I stuck in the way out of the water! :)

So- I took the leap of faith of a lifetime! (for me :)) I applied to become staff alongside Back2Back Ministries for three years! :) This experience has been so surreal, and have brought me so much closer to God than I have ever imagined! I am so incredibly blessed. For all of those who have come along side me through prayer, through sponsorship, through pep talks and encouragement, THANK YOU!! You mean more to me than words can describe. :) If you're interested in how you can become a part of a bigger story in helping the orphan and homeless, let me know! :)

This is an extremely basic, bare bones version of a much bigger story. :) I'd love to give every little detail and get to share all of the stories of my heart with each of you. Hopefully through this blog, I can begin to do just that!

Much needed update :)

First thing's first: I'm not headed to Mexico just yet. I'm kickin' it here in the states until October 2012, so I can spend a little more time fundraising. :)

I'm going to be completely honest here. When I got the e-mail that my move date was bumped back, my first thought? "I failed. I din't raise enough money in time, I didn't do enough, I should've, I could've.... I-I-I-I..."
God is awesome. I mean, really super-fantastic you-really-oughta-get-to-know-this-guy awesome. Right in the middle of my tail spin "I suck at life" moment, God shook me up a bit. In the middle of all my "I's", God stopped me dead in my tracks and said "IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!! IT'S ABOUT ME!"
(Just FYI- when I say "God said" I don't mean the heavens split open and a deep majestic voiced boomed from the heavens. :))

It's not about me. :) This kinda goal is not something I can accomplish on my own. I can never do enough, be enough, say enough to get God's plan rolling. He's already got this. He has all along.

Truth is, I don't want to be in Mexico if He doesn't want me there. (This may not seem like a profound statement to anyone reading this- but it took A LOT of prayer and soul-searching to get to that point, let me tell you!!) Anyone who knows me knows that my heart is there. I can not wait to get to serve the families and kids there. But it simply won't work if God's not in it. So God said wait... and I'm waiting. :)

I thought I'd be REALLY upset if my move date got bumped back, but God has continually affirmed this move, and I fully trust that He'll keep His word and see this thing through. Every time doubt or fear tries to creep in, God blows it out of the water in big ways, constantly reminding me "I've got this- quit stressin'!"

This journey has been really remarkable already. I can't even begin to think how awesome it will be once I GET there! :)

Conviction- today, your name is Jon Acuff. (Author of Stuff Christian's Like @ http://www.jonacuff.com/blog/ Read it-you won't regret it.)

Just in case you don't feel like clicking the link (I probably wouldn't), here's what it says:

How to be a rock star.

It’s easy. Here’s all it takes.

Spend more time practicing your dream than you do promoting your dream.

That’s it.

The Internet has made it ridiculously easy to promote your dream, your craft, your passion, your whatever. As someone who writes books and throws events, that is awesome. But that ease comes with a consequence.

The temptation is to spend more time on promoting what you’re doing instead of practicing what you’re doing. Honing your skills, putting in the hours to improve, working hard while no one is watching. Promoting makes people think you’re great. Practicing actually makes you great. There’s a huge difference between those two things.

Want to stand out from the clutter of social media and be a rock star?

Spend 10 hours practicing your dream for every 1 hour you spend promoting it.

Want to be a rock star even faster? Make that ratio 100 to 1.

If I’m being honest, I haven’t yet. I fall into the promotion vs. practice trap all the time. But the times when I focus on practice, I end up doing work that is vital, not just viral, and that matters more to me and probably you too.

Question:What are some ways you “practice” your dream?

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Now, I don't want to be a famous writer, or sing on stage for millions- I want to spread the love of Jesus. I want kids who feel alone and abandoned know an unconditional love that makes them feel whole and restored. I want to connect with people and create deep, honest, transparent relationships of encouragement and accountability. I want to see addictions broken, relationships restored, and lives changed through the love of Christ.                                     So, do I practice? Do I try everyday to show the forgiveness, grace, love, and joy that has been given to me? Sadly, no. Do I get into the Word, spend time in some serious prayer? Do I live out the life-altering change I want to see in Mexico? No again.

Instead, I spend time scheduling fundraisers, telling everyone who will listen what I will be doing and how desperately I need sponsors. Have I even once truly sat down and asked God how He wants to provide money for my expenses while in Mexico? If I'm honest, nope. I've been too busy promoting. Sure, I've asked OTHERS to pray. Sure, I've shot up a, "God-PLEASE help me get some sponsors." "Lord, I trust you....but I really need to get some dinero in my account" "Please let this fundraiser go well!!" etc etc.... But God doesn't want my drive-through prayers, He wants my heart.

So....as I was casually reading all the blog posts I have piling up simply to clear the list, God gave me a little wake up call. 

"Stop promoting yourself, and start talking to me"  

God Provides :)

Every time I open this page to write a new post, I never know where to begin. :) God has done SO much since I got back from Mexico last June.

Let's do a quick (and inadequate) recap:
-I asked my parents if they would support my decision to apply to move to Mexico with Back2Back, and they said YES! (truly and act of God!)
-I applied and was accepted to come on as staff with Back2Back
-God GAVE ME A TRUCK through a Christ-led, amazing family.
-Friends and family have been SO generous through this time of fundraising.

That so does not do what God has been up to justice by any means, but at least now I've got you somewhat up to date. :)

To be honest, fundraising has been scary, exciting, terrifying, and SUCH a blessing...all at once! :) Every once in a while, it'll hit me that my WILDEST dream is in the process of becoming reality, and it is almost more than I can handle. :) It blows my mind that I will get to be a part of an AMAZING organization, working with people I admire deeply, getting to serve children who have already taught me much more than I probably will ever teach them.

Going through this fundraising process has put me through a roller-coaster of emotions. I have had to fight doubts, insecurities, and fear every step of the way. God has been SO faithful. Each time I am just beyond myself, feeling like I just want to turn around and run, God has done something BIG to remind me, "Quit stressin'- I've got this." Right when I begin to succumb to fear, God blows it out of the water.

I haven't reached my goal for sponsors just yet, but I trust God's timing is SO much better than mine (although sometimes He needs to remind me lol) and that He will provide. :) He has been SO faithful this far, and He will continue to be faithful.

I can not thank everyone who has been a part of this adventure with me enough! Your encouragement, love, and generosity have made a HUGE impact- more than you realize. :)